Joshua tree

Part Three: European Vacation

Once again this winter I returned to Josh; this time hosting two visitors from that foreign planet called Czech.

I had spent months preparing this visit with Jirka and Jana, indeed since I lived in that land of Tatranky, sausages, and female legs up to my chin.  I’ll say that one more time.  Legs up to my chin.  There that’s better. 

Anyways, Jirka was most excited about the bouldering in the area.  When you really come to think of it, Josh is nothing more that a giant boulder field, with so much rock that there is a somewhat of a local competition to see who can climb the most routes.  I have heard rumors that the guy with the largest tally is somewhere near 3,000 routes.


Beauty of Josh - near Hidden Campground

foto by© JirkaS



O.K. enough said about the quantity.  It is suffice to say that you can wander all day long through this strangely forested desert picking choice lines on free standing, heart-wrenchingly tall boulders.  Indeed, this is how the most classic lines were picked; back in the days before pads, some Californians stumbled about the park, stoned to the bejesus, and climbed ever so striking lines such as John Bachar’s Slashface, possibly the  best line in the park at twenty some odd feet tall and brilliantly cut with diagonal edges. 


Scull rock

foto by © JirkaS


So there is a list in my mind of Josh super classics. While these boulder problems rarely exceed 6C+ in grade, their movement and aesthetics make them some of the most interesting climbing I have ever done.  Taken as a whole, the variety of styles present in the uberclassics creates a palate of movement against which anyone calling him/herself a rock master should test his/ her abilities. 

Below enumerated are what I regard as the classic circuit:

Stem Gem, 5.11, or V3
if you are below the age of 25.  This technical masterpiece has thwarted many a So Cal gym rat.  Delicate stemming to a tenuous slab exit.  One day I was at this problem and I met who I was later to learn was Timmy Fairfield.  He stated the beauty of this problem more aptly than I can.  “I’ve flashed V11 (8A), but it took me twelve tries to do Stem Gem.” 


Stem Gem, V3

foto by© JirkaS


Saturday Night Live, V3/4.
  A lively problem (as the name infers) boasting a wild all points off dyno- the antithesis of Stem Gem.  Although quite powerful for the grade, there is subtle movement to the throw, more of a swing if executed correctly.  Many a gym rat has thrown down the dyno only to botch the much easier mantle exit. 


Saturday Night Live, V3/4

foto by© JirkaS


White Rastafarian, V3, orV1
if you are above 5’4” and not stoned.  Follows a striking overhanging arête to a long move high off the ground.  Don’t be afraid of the stone underneath, you won’t hit it if you don’t puss out.  I did this problem years ago in top form- some friends and I did it on the way out to Hot Rocks, All three of us I a row- sans pad- first try, in front of some So Cal gym rats who were deathly afraid of it.  Don’t be, it’s easy.  Anyways, great rock, great moves, great position, high enough to get the blood pumping- conducive to doing laps.


White Rastafarian, V3

foto by© JirkaS


False Up Twenty, 5.9.
The most obvious line to be climbed at the JBMF boulders.  For full value, do it in sneakers sans pad.  Possibly the best problem of this grade in the park. 


False Up Twenty, 5.9

foto by© Jana Lukášová


John Bachar Memorial Face Problem, V5.
  Brilliant rock and body position intensive climbing- as the holds are never as good as you want them to be.  Some of the best rock in the Park. 


John Bachar Memorial Face Problem, V5

foto by© Jana Lukášová


Gunsmoke Traverse, 5.11 or V3.
The most popular bouldering hangout.  75 feet of rather repetitive motion if you ask me, but a test of endurance to leave any pure boulderer wishing that he had done some routes in the gym. 


Street Car Named Desire, V6/7.
  ‘For mature climbers only,” says my good friend Drew.  Unfortunately many inexperienced climbers have attempted the first two moves enough times that the most obvious feet are the ones that don’t work anymore.  Škoda.  Stem or run and jump your way up the scoop to slopers above. 


Street Car Named Desire

foto by© Andrew Burgoon



Slash Face, 5.11 or V3.
  THE line in the park, as far as boulders go.  On your way out to getting your ass handed to you on Equinox, stop and check this one out.  Beautiful, striated rock, delicate crimps give way to progressively larger holds.  Do it. 


Slash Face

foto by© Jana Lukášová


Pinched Loaf, V6.
  I recently discovered this one coming back from Slashface.  Superb Rock, perfect movement, everything is where it should be. 

  Pinched Loaf, V6

foto by© Jana Lukášová



Meadow Boulder Direct, V6/7.
Steep, powerful on good holds.  Yes, I am still talking about J Tree.  About as easy as this grade gets, but taken as part of a whole, it rounds out the climbing experience in Josh.  Almost every other line on this boulder (save one non-existent Nicole problem) is fun as well, though not as classic. 

Act of contrition, V1

Big classic problem big moves on your way to final section, which is not as hard as it look. 



Act of contrition

foto by© Jana Lukašová




Pocket Full of Walnuts, 5.11 or V3.
So you’ve done the other classics, and you are pretty confident that you can climb any V3 in the park.  Guess again.  One night in camp I heard this drunk guy spewing the most absurd beta of some boulder problem.  The absurdity of it peaked my interest.  Later that night I sardonically remarked to my climbing partner that drunken beta was worse than stories told at the end of a fishing trip. I thought to myself that if he was right, then the joke was on me.  The next day, intrigued by his nocturnal reproduction of climbing heroics, I collected up the offending party and headed for the boulder.  He explained to me that he had a stomach ulcer, and that he was going to puke on top.  He did.  I hardly got two feet off the ground.  The joke was clearly on me. Four years later I sent it with every kneebar/ hip scum/ chimney move I had learned in that period of time.  This offwidth/ chimney/ hand crack will keep you grunting, blindly thruching for feet, and knowing you are climbing it wrong, unless you are truly a stone master of yore, in which case you can chimney the whole lot of it.  A full pitch crammed into fifteen feet of climbing. 


Pocket Full of Walnuts

foto by© JirkaS


Andrew Burgoon   [edit] 00:13 29.03.2006

Commentaries

     
...new commentsNew comment 

 surprise21:30:29 29.03.2006
I have never been in the USA, but when I called to mind I know bouldr Street Car Named Desire 5.12+. But how ? I watched Masters Of Stone II !!! Mike Paul climbed this magnificent boulder with brave jump....
I am enjoying your story ! 
Mikireply 
 Re: surprise21:55:21 29.03.2006
Street car ... I saw that boulder its absolutely awesome. Once I would love to tick it. Other boulder problems are also stunning.
JirkaSreply 
  Re: surprise23:14:25 29.03.2006
cooool... Climber, who climbs Street park, has not climbing shoes. It must be belter :-)
Mikireply 
   Re: surprise01:03:27 30.03.2006
Ahoj Miki,

Because so many people have tried it over the years, I think the jump is actually easier than climbing it properly. With some sticky running shoes you can get two to three steps up the wall before you jump.
The guy pictured above is obviously not close to sticking the jump.

Andy
Andrewreply 
    Re: surprise08:51:49 18.04.2006
Andy, next year I wanna climb So high !!! Would you spot me?
JirkaSreply 
     Re: surprise16:48:23 18.04.2006
I will spot you, but only for the right amount of Tatranky.
Andrewreply 

 Unbelievable22:10:25 29.03.2006
Andy, you are so skilfull ass hole climber, as I noticed from the last photo.
Well done !!!
Hopreply 
 Re: Unbelievable01:00:38 30.03.2006
Ahoj Hop,

Thank you very much for the complement. In fact, it wasn't until I saw the movie Brokeback Mountian for the first time that I was able to finish this climb.
Nehoda? Mislím se ne.
Andrewreply 
  Re: Unbelievable22:10:56 12.04.2006
possibly not an Accident - Nehoda but more likely a Coincidence - Náhoda.

Well WWWWEEEELLLLL very well written Mr. Andrew writer.
reply 

 Awesome20:48:10 16.04.2006
Hi Andy,
Nice article, we want more please. T.
Tonireply 
 Re: Awesome09:39:57 13.07.2008
It's "Fistful of Walnuts"...
Hereticreply 
  Re: Awesome23:11:03 15.07.2008
I stand corrected. Thanks.

Andrewreply 
   Re: Awesome22:51:26 18.08.2008
NP. Love the White Rasta pic...I'm about 5'6" and i'm still having issues with the right-crossover into the upper flake! LOL. I'll try what she's doing next time though I would probably prefer the right foot on the higher jugs...dunno...

btw how tall are you?
Hereticreply 
    Re: Awesome00:05:40 24.08.2008
Hi dogg, I would say that its a matter of strong shoulders than length of your body. Anyway its great route. Hope to visiting this charming place one more time.
 jirkasreply 
    Re: Awesome15:54:01 25.08.2008
That girl was filming it for some movie about women doing classic boulder problems, I think it is out already if you want to get her beta. I am 5'9 and the cross is more about commitment than difficulty- the hold you go to is big and even if your feet cut you would stay on. Brilliant problem, one of my all time favorites.
 Andrewreply 
     Re: Awesome20:40:48 11.11.2008
Sup - been meaning to get back to you. I tried the cross over..short story; my left hand slipped, I hit the boulder below chin and chest right into it. ended up in the ER for a few hours. So ... 1. that small boulder at the bottom IS in your fall zone and 2. The crossover is height dependant; when I went for it I found that I was at full stretch and had no wiggle room to turn my shoulders, which I believe caused my left hand to slip

However I did speak to a few guys on our local forums and I did get some good beta for shorter folks like myself hehe. Anyway just wanted to respond and pass that bit of info. You gonna be in JTree this season? If so we should go crush stone together! Climb on! :)
Hereticreply